I have 6 large dogs and was buying several large bags of Dog Chow at Costco, standing in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although, I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital the last time. But I'd lost 20 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he staggered to the door laughing.
[This was the first forwarded I've received that was actually funny without pictures ... though pictures certainly would have helped, for example, below is a cat's ass in which Jesus miraculously appears:]